I liked to answer: “Better than yesterday, Worse than tomorrow.”
That was my way of getting around the “I’m fine” that I hated so much.
I wasn’t fine.
I was a teenager going through a break up when I thought up those words.
I’m probably not the first and last person to come up with this reply.
Still, 15 years old me found it really clever and I find it partly imaginative, partly amusing today.
The truth is it was my attempt at being transparent without actually having to deal with the consequences of what that meant.
The reason I’m writing about this is precisely in the interest of transparency.
I’ve always valued transparency and authenticity in other people but failed to take mine to the level I sought in others.
Even in writing, which one would think is the easiest way to practice transparency, it is not that simple.
That’s one of the things that writing this blog everyday has taught me.
Showing parts of myself through my stories is fun and scary at the same time. It competes with my need to be perfect and insightful. Being myself is what happens when I try to find a middle ground between the two.
Much of life is about finding that balance between being totally opaque and being totally see through.
There’s things we want to say, things we need to say and what we really say.
Sometimes all three are the same.
I guess transparency is found in which one we choose.
What do you think?